there hasn't been a post since tuesday morning. what's going on?

You are old. And not like "oh, your mom is pretty hot even though she's old dude" kind of old. You are way past that and now are just plain-creepy old. Please stop shopping at the young miss section and teasing that hair of yours back into style. And now the whole H&M whore-out thing? WTF dude.

H&M DOESN'T SELL CLOTHING FOR 60 YEAR OLD WOMEN.

We all know you have a massive gay following too. That's cool. I mean, good for you and all. But every album you drop is the same regurgitated shite club track-remixed-by-tiesto-or-armand. Please stop pitch shifting your voice to sound like you are young. Stop trying to be shocking by fucking that stuffed rhino on stage as well.

I mean, half of my generation spanked it to your photos from the sex book you put out or watching you give head to the beer bottle in that movie of yours but now, well, that would be like spanking it to a picture of my mom.

I just threw up a bit even typing that last sentence. Thanks a lot Madonna.

Sincerely,
JKREW

Argle. So aggrivated this morning. I really don't want to be here. I'm grumpy. And for some weird reason I miss kate too much today.
I'm having motivational issues today.

I grew up with the family across the street from me when I was a mini JKREW. The Levines were a nice jewish family consisting of a son who was my age, a sister (5 years younger) and another sister (9 years younger). Anyhoo, the son and I were best buddies for a long time and my mom and I still have a yearly xmas eve dinner with them so we have obviously kept close tabs with through the years.

His birthday was yesterday so kate and I went to his house to say 'alo. Granted, I haven't seen the son for close to three years. We lost touch and grew apart. Over the years it is quite evident that the bonds we had that kept us together as childhood friends have drastically changed nearly 3 decades later.

Most awkward night ever. Kate really isn't used to a normal jewish family get together and if you haven't had the experience I highly suggest you find yourself a jewish function STAT. Imagine a house full of 238 jewish mothers, throw in a dog that doesn't like anyone, 62 aunts named Stella, 59 uncles named Morty and lots and lots of voices attempting to be the loudest.

Good times. It's sort of like a 14 ring circus all pent up in a townhouse. Now don't get me wrong. I love me some jews. The mother is pretty much my adopted jewish mom since I could walk. I love her with a passion but it's just sort of funny to watch kate just sit there with her mouth dropped open trying to take in the spectacle.

Where am I going with this? (Sorry, this post sucks ass). Oh yeah, the son. He turned 30. Motherfucking 30. I'll be 30 at the end of this month. What do I have to show for 30? Here is a random spur-of-the-moment list:

• kate
• debt
• a nice dog
• a non-existent father
• a remarried mom with a great husband
• a 21 year old's car
• an older than dirt second car
• college loans
• a rented house
• extra weight
• a somewhat exciting job
• many part time friends and very little full timers
• a vast collection of pirated music and movies
• a prescription for anti-depressants
• a house full of greasy car parts
• kate

Grrr. I think I should have more. Maybe? I dunno, maybe I'm just right.

Also, biting my tongue is taking it's toll on me more than ever. Why do I have to be the quiet one? Why do I have to play by someone else's rules just to appease a fucking childish, immature, socially inept retard?
Ghey.

I'm getting a motherfucking burrito ultimo for lunch and then I'm going to the pet store to kick some puppies. This post sucked.

Well, this was supposed to be a "put up or shut up" email to my friend Tony but I decided to make it public and I guess we'll just see where this takes us. Try to keep up folks...


A week ago, well ok, go back two months ago. This entire summer kate and I have been planning betty out as we went along. I've had a general idea of how I want her to look and I'll shoot some ideas off to kate and vice versa generally melding together into a completely different idea altogether. We tackled all of the greater issues early on in May and June with the car leaving the big issues to the final months of the summer until leaving us where we are today. Betty could be done right now. We can bring her to the final 2-3 shows of the season, sell her and then either spend the money paying off bills, buy a rock for kate's tiny finger or piss it away on hookers and yayo.

I wanted to lower her in the beginning but the more I look at her, the more I want her to look stock. And then her rear shocks started showing their age and were starting to produce a reverse rake in her side profile (the ass hangs lower than the front).

Ok, issue #1:
1) keep her stock and not spend a dime
2) buy some shocks and springs and permanently put her at a nice stance (which could alter her resale but still look nice to "enthusiasts")
3) buy coilovers which will allow her to be raised or lowered as we saw fit

This problem's solution had a price ranging from nothing to 500$ to 1000$ respectively. I did secure two sponsors offering discounts on suspension but it would cause me to spend money I didn't want to spend. Ok, let's just overlook this issue for now. I don't want to have to stress about spending money. We are on a strict budget that we have adhered to for the entire summer.

Then I looked at her paint. She's a great car and the way she sits right now is just fine with probably everyone. I mean, for a 20 year old run of the mill Golf, she definately is good to go. She even turns heads (sometimes). The interior is perfect. The body is close to perfect. Hell, the paint even has some clear left. It's just that up close, it is dry and stained. That's definately going to hurt us for magazine contention.

Even if the magazine chance happens, now is the time to either shit or get off the pot. I'll be 30 in september. Fucking 30. I'll be getting married etc etc etc. This is just one of those chances where I can almost see her where I want her to be and I can either just stop or go balls out and do her the right way.

You only live once. Plus, this could be an awesome experience. One of those things where you really work on something you're passionate about. And ok, so the paint job will take money and kate and my time prepping her but I see it this way... it's not the price of the paint job I'll be paying for, it's the experience kate and I will go through. Those stories we will be able to tell our kids will be worth the cost alone. I wonder if people reading that can finally understand the "sickness" we call the "bug for cars".

So... fast forward to yesterday. I know this guy named Tony. I met Tony three summers ago and we clicked instantly. He's just one of those cool guys everyone wants to hang out with and considering we are both HUGE famewhores, we tend to compete for the laughs which I really enjoy. He also runs a little video magazine called Torque. It's pretty much Jackass with cars. Tony is just one of those guys where he has to be the center of attention therefore he just does the craziest shit with his friends and catches it on film. And it's actually quite good film too.

Anyhoo, Tony is pretty hardcore in the tuning scene and has connections. He has a paint guy who does AWESOME work so I called him up 19 times (he never picks up his fucking phone just like me) and we finally got to talking last night. I told him that I wanted to paint Betts the same colour, just add a little clearcoat this time around and make her pristine.

We shot some ideas back and forth, he was instantly hooked with the idea and I started to get excited. I told him how I was gunning to get into PVW (the bible of VW magazines and is a "right of passage" for dubbers if they actually get chosen to be in it) come hell or highwater, I wanted to be in that magazine. That was my goal I set for myself and although it was a MASSIVE goal, it was obtainable with a shitload of work, lots of bloody knuckles and many many sleepless nights.

Then I remembered that Tony was more like me than I ever knew. You see, if you know me, you know that I don't 100% commit to something unless I have a fire under my ass. Otherwise, I will halfass it all day long. Tony is like that too. He has the best intentions and he's a great guy but he has issues committing to things of importance. This is starting to sound like me more and more hahaha

So here is my declaration Tony.

Let's get betty in that booth before H20 dude. Document it. Starting right now. Four weeks to completely overhaul a dub in time for the last and greatest show of the year. Document the sleepless nights. Document the hardships and the letdowns. Document the first time it goes in the booth. Document the trip to H20 and finally, god willing, document it getting shot from those fine chaps across the pond who just so happen make the finest dub magazine on earth ;) (Am I laying it on thick enough yet boys? hahahaha)

Time to shit or get off the pot dude. Lets roll suckah.

Click me

Yet one more thing I can add to my long list of shit that I had as a kid that all the new fuckers out there won't have.

*sigh

• audio tapes for hard drives
• floppy disks
• zip disks
• life before the internet
• life before CD's
• life before DVD's
• AOL 2.0
• Pluto when it was a planet

Click me

And Betts is looking hotter than ever =)

Well, the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) just put out this nice propaganda piece telling all the incoming college n00bs that downloading is bad, it will get you sent to jail forvever and it will probably kill you.

Ok, what a crock of horseshit. The RIAA will NEVER stop illegal downloading. EVER. The music industry really needs to wake up and understand that CD's lifespan is nearing a close. Music on demand is the new wave and if the music industry doesn't wake up, then the kids are still gonna steal because thats the way they want to gather their files.

I don't really want to get started about MP3's because sure, I steal music. I don't know a single person who hasn't stolen music before. But I'll tell ya what, the RIAA didn't really tell the viewer of the below video's that the guy who got nabbed was also in a massive MP3 sharing group who were known internet-wide to notoriously pre-release albums on a regular basis.

He wasn't just your run of the mill freshman who downloads the latest Creed album. Normal thiefs don't get caight. It's the retards who share their 180gig HD's full of ganked music who get caught. There's a difference between being smart and being retarded.

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Brilliant.

now get really close to your screen, and then stare at this without blinking.




WHAT THE FUCK?

For the graphic design fans out there. Very cool stuff...



Click me

Click me

Um, you do know that that 6 year old looks like she is damn close to orgasm right?

WTF people?!

I'm writing this mere seconds after hearing this just because it made me laugh/smile.

A fellow worker bee here at VW is a fairly big gearhead. He restored a '69 Firebird to pretty much perfection and was selling it to pick up my dream car, a '67 Bronco. He put it on the market for 45 grand a few weeks ago and came in this morning with a slight drag in his step.

He passed by another worker bee in the kitchen and with a sigh he said "Well, sold the car..."

What did the other guy say? With a simple little smile, he replied, "You ok?"

How fucking cool is that? Not "congratulations" or "sweet", but an "you ok?". It's like he lost a child or had to put down a dog.

Yes, that's exactly how it feels. =)

I really appreciate the fans/support out there. It's nice to know you all like to read my ramblings.

*salutes

No work to do? Make a roadtrip cd cover. wheeeeeeeeee!

kate: hello boo (:
how is the day so far?
jkrewdotcom: frustrating
kate: boss?
jkrewdotcom: nah, trying to put red booties on a bunny. It's quite difficult
kate: BAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
aw I love you (:
hahahah anything I can help with?
jkrewdotcom: http://stormdc.com/temp/pantaloons.jpg
it's way rough but I think the juxtaposition of the kitty pantaloons versus the bunny pantaloons works. It's a critique of the modern man if you will. A mild sybiosis of the struggle between right and wrong, good and evil per say.

Click me for article

I was shown this article this morning about blogs. It's yet another story about kids saying things that come back to bite them in the ass. (Isn't this the 14th article saying the very same exact thing this month? Come on guys, find a new hot topic.)

It talks about kids whose parents are in high positions of power and it explains how if you do something and publish it on the internet, someone, somewhere will probably find it and then "expose" the parents because their kids decided to have a beer one night while being underage... or decided to pose with some girls in bikinis in a hot tub.

So, what's the message here? If you have a blog, you have to understand that ANYONE/EVERYONE with a tap into the int0rwebs can view it so watch what you say. Essentially, the web is one big paper trail so cover your ass.

Now, lets go back 50 years. Hell, go back 15. Before the internet. Before peanut butter jelly time. Back when kids actually went to the library to research a paper. Teen angst. You know, that thing kids did when their parents were complete "assholes" to them and "didn't understand" them. Kids would go to these things called sockhops to blow off steam. Or went down to the pier to race their cars with one another. Or joined biker gangs. (ok, the last one is a stretch).

My point is, the internet generation hasn't changed how people think. It has only created another outlet, and in this case, an outlet for them to vent their frustrations on an online journal. The only difference? This time around for this generation, they are allowing every other like minded teen angster to read their sob stories and relate.

Do you get it now?

The internet will probably be the downfall of our society but it does do one thing well. It brings people from all over the world together. It lets people know that no matter how different they may seem to be on the surface, everyone has the same shit to go through.

Ok, yes, blogs can also have a dark side. They can get you in a lot of trouble. I know this from experience. But if that is kept in mind, I think it's a wonderful outlet for your issues. Vent vent vent. Let the world know what is pissing you off. Go read some random girl's blog in london who just so happens to be going through the same shit as you. The world is so large and the internet is so vast but sometimes it just brings us all a little closer together.

But if your dad is a senator, just avoid the photo-ops at that next underaged kegger.

My little gearhead =)

OMG UPDATE!!!

Haley Joel Osment was charged with four criminal counts today including: driving while having a blood alcohol content of .08 percent or higher with the special allegation of having a blood alcohol content of .15 percent or higher (especially bad!), and possession of marijuana while driving. Osment's blood-alcohol content was 0.16 (double the legal limit) and the charges come from an incident last month when he crashed his 1995 Saturn, flipping it and breaking a rib.

I don't think anybody saw this coming. At least Mel Gibson has a history of drinking, but the only thing Haley Joel Osment is known for is looking cute and hitting puberty. If convicted he faces up to six months in county jail, but considering it's Haley Joel Osment the judge will probably just ask him to say "I see dead people" and then let him go for being a national treasure.

Web2.0, viral marketing, guerrilla advertising and web "fads" in general.

Seriously folks, coming from someone who has sort of been in the advertising field for some time and now works for what most say is the "best agency in the world", I've seen and heard it all. Yes, people really say "think outside the box". I've heard "synergize", "beta test", "ubiquitous" and "mind share" ad nauseum.

Balding creative directors who have pony tails and black turtleneck sweaters have waxed poetic with me while I was nodding and smiling all the while. And then this whole web thing blew up in the late 90's. Free sodas and snacks, foosball tables as far as the eye could see. Exposed ceilings, low-lit offices blasting Creed and trance techno. It was glorious. 10k raises on a whim. IPO's, CFO's and HMO's. The web designer was king and the advertising world was his bitch.

Then the bubble burst in 2001ish. People stopped spending money on dotcoms. Then the bottom line had to be met by the parent companies. Numbers weren't being met and people were jumping ship.

No one wanted anything to do with the web anymore. And most of us had to get real jobs. It was a long cold winter for many many years. 911 Carreras went undriven. Massive estates with 19 bedrooms stood cold and empty. The entire video game console industry almost went under due to dropping sales from dotcom startup offices no longer buying them.

Then, one day, it started to change. Janet showed her boobie to the world. And those that missed that glorious areola, could now go to the internet and easily download the closeup video of her baby feeder.

Wikipedia sprouted up and now ANYONE could find out the definition of a donkey punch or the shocker or a spitting dragon. Instead of having to painfully describe to my mother what "two in the pink, one in the stink" meant, I could just send her on her way to wiki.

And then these two asian dudes who were bored in their dorm decided to make a music video lip synching the backstreet boys and that was it. Youtube was born out of necessity and viral marketing was created. Now advertisers could spend $20 bucks of time making a piece of shit video on Hi8, release it on youtube and instantly get millions of viewers to watch it for free.

Viola! Easy advertising!

Want to get the 16-24 y/o set? Make a myspace page ad for the cat in your commercial. Finally, millions of succeptible customers could now trade photos of Mr. Whiskers, the bong smoking cat! The god damn Burger King even has a fucking myspace page.

This is getting out of hand people. And don't even get me started on Web2.0™.

I'm not really sure what it means, nor do I think anyone else really knows either. The only thing I have really gathered from hours of research is that it involves pastel colours, a reflection on all the logos, lot's of beveling and it has to be a beta version that's riddled with bugs.

"We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different."

Click me

WTF PEOPLE?

http://www.jetkart.co.uk/assets/video/jetkart.mpg

Sweet tapdancing baby jesus. I want need one of these things.

Click me for more info

Above, you will find an asshat. This euro-trash fuckwit was walking to the door of my neighbourhood starbucks this morning while smoking a cigarette. He got to the door about .2 seconds before I did, dropped his cigarette (on his shoe no less) and went in the door. I followed him in. Now, right when he stepped through the door, he was kind enough to exhale a nice lungfull of smoke... which I had to walk through.

Now, I used to be a morning person. I also used to be polite and nice. Not today.

"Thanks a lot you fucking asshole" I said walking right behind him.

He turned around to look at me through his overpriced Versace sunglasses. "Excuse me?"

"Thanks for making me breath in your smoke you asshole."

He looked at me again, probably out of disbelief I actually said these words to him. "... fuck you" he said as he slowly turned around.

"Nice comeback douche" I said and then placed my order after him.

So I took my seat far from him and then pondered our friendly conversation. Why was I so angry? Was I in the wrong? Why was he wearing biker shorts and overpriced Pirelli driving shoes when he clearly didn't bike to starbucks nor arrived in a performance-based automobile? Should I have apologised? I mean, he's just an old man who will die soon and has a huge gut and a quickly vanishing head of hair.

No fuck that, he blew an entire mouthful of smoke out in front of me INSIDE THE STORE mind you.

Meh, it didn't matter. My drink was called before his was. Therefore...

I won.

God that speedo guage makes me a little moist...

The code monkey in front of me is fucking passed out and snoring. SNORING.
I'm wondering if I can make it to his cube and tea bag him before he wakes up.

I made a poster for Betty's last show in Ocean City. Gonna be about 3x4 feet, laminated on foamcore board. I'll need to have katertot reshoot the photo so it's not stuck in a parking lot but the idea is there (hence the "FPO" = For Placement Only). Comments?

Also, if anyone is out there wants some publicity towards a bunch of VW gearheads at the show, I'd just love you to pieces if you bought me some coilovers for the car. My "sponsor" finally gave me her "deal" and I promptly told her to "eat my ass". $50 bucks off of $800 coils and having me do all of the work I was going to do just isn't prudent. So yeah! Hook us up!



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Little Haley Joel Osmet, the adorable child actor from "The Sixth Sense" is charged with doing a very bad grown up thing.

Haley Joel Osment will officially be charged with driving under the influence of alcohol in conjunction with that accident.
He lost control of his 1995 Saturn on his way home collided with a brick pillar in a suburb around 1 a.m. on July 20. No bystanders were injured in the wreck, but Osment wasn't so lucky: the actor was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was treated for a broken rib and a shoulder injury.

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Yeah yeah yeah, and everyone asks why I never watch CNN/Fox/et al for news. If it's american, it's either fluffed, downplayed or even a complete lie.

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It's been quite crazy at work FINALLY. The Eos launch is coming so it's been nutty here. Batch processing close to 1000 images... three different times no less. Erghh. Should be laucnhing soon too so yay!

So... whats new? Um, Betty is coming along nicely. I spoke with a really nice guy named mark simonson who used to letter all of the so-cal and von dutch cars back in the day and he is helping design some signage for betts which I'm super SUPER stoked for. Imagine, a sign that was hand lettered by the guy who was there in the beginning. Cool huh! He's a graphic designer/fontographer too which is neat in it's own right.

Here's a rough mockup:



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Um, next... go check out my mom's site.
This is taken from it...

My best friend Ali was first diagnosed with breast cancer at age 40.

Since then, breast cancer has returned three more times, resulting in a mastectomy of her left breast, and last summer… a breast cancer cell that traveled to her liver.
Overnight, Ali went from stage 1 to stage 4. Today, she faces a battle that she can’t beat. But due to some new drugs on the market, specifically Herceptin, her life expectancy improves. Generally a patient with liver cancer is given a two year life-expectancy, but today, with the help of the wonder drug Herceptin, Ali certainly plans to beat the odds.

Her message to you: Be vigilant. Know and listen to your own body. Ali discovered her breast tumors herself – all three times. Ali’s doctor didn’t agree with her the first time, and waited two years before he agreed to do a biopsy. He was wrong. Today, most doctors listen to patients. If you believe something appears different, most doctors will acknowledge the importance of a patient’s gut, as it is better to err on the safe side.

WHY CRITTERS?
Ali and I have always had a passion for our pets and a soft heart for all the homeless dogs and cats that face extinction if homes cannot be found for them.

We have adopted countless critters and taken in numerous strays over the years. It seemed only natural that a non-profit be created to call attention to the two issues that we seem to have the least amount of control over.

But why? Maybe we can do something to change the tide. To gain control. If we can do something to change people’s behavior, perhaps we can change the outcome of the two outstanding issues that are breaking our hearts: Homeless Dogs and Cats and losing our best friends or the people we care about the most to such an invasive disease. A disease that we must conquer.

Make a difference in our lifetime. In Ali’s.

PLEASE SUPPORT CRITTERS FOR THE CURE™, a non-profit organization created to promote breast cancer awareness through the love of our critters.

http://www.crittersforthecure.com/


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And lastly, well, I don't have a lastly... um, I'm still twitching from VW. I need a latté or something.

and she has a blog. She rarely posts anything because she is either playing online videogames, eating my ice cream or sleeping but sometimes she has some cool stuff. Hopefully by me calling her out on my blog, she will get off her hiney and actually do stuff for once.

j/k boo =) Please don't beat me

Anyhoo, why not go check out her stuff or something...


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My GF is a retard hahaha. WIll be fixed soon.

Owning a vehicle that was created during the Reagan administration has taught me many things. First off, I'm gonna try to exclude this rant to only involve those in the final stages of the boomer generation as well as the X generation (is that what I'm called? I forgot.)

Again, it is weird to date a girl that is younger than I am by more than 2-3 years because inevitably, there comes a moment of realization that we are from two different cultures. God, it was just the other day when I was talking to a mutual friend of kate and mine about where she was during 9/11. Her boyfriend was in HS. Kate was in HS.

I was in my second year of work.

But I digress. When you look at how cars were made in '85 compared to those made in 2000, you'll notice loads of nuances that separate the two. Leather, more refinement, no engine noise, things fit tighter together etc etc. You'll also notice the differences when you drive i.e., in the '85, you learn to drive in the slow lane. You learn to plan your lane changes, on ramps and on coming hills in advance etc.

But nowadays, everything is different. Faster if you will. In the '00, it's all about getting from point A to point B as fast as possible, making a huge racket with the loud exhaust and looking good all the while. Now, in the '85, it's all about the drive. You take it out to eventually get to point B but this time, it doesn't really matter how fast you go. You sort of just lean your arm out the window and just enjoy the ride.

I remember when I was in highschool and had just got my first car ('85 CRX, how ironic), I would drive the piss out of that thing. On the weekends I would usually pick up my partner in crime sean brennan and we would head on down to the silver diner. At the time it was THE spot to go to if you wanted to hang out, check out some nice cars and hot girls. Sean was a teacher to me of sorts. He had balls the size of Chicago and could lay the honkey talk down on just about any girl he wanted. I was the shy geek who kept to himself but after knowing sean for awhile, I developed my "game" and finally came into my own after having received my license to drive.

We would hit on girls, get phone numbers and, if we were lucky, end up making out with a fine young philly in the parking lot. Classy right? It was so much more innocent back then. (At least it was for me mind you.) I didn't have anything else in my mind than making out. Once I finally got past the awkward 18 minutes of small talk, smiles and eye contact, I would finally make the move and it was just make out city after that. When in the right environment, this activity could last for hours. Hours dude. Hours. But that's it, blue balls aside, I wanted nothing other than to make out. I wasn't interested with sex, head, anal, handjobs et al. Not like today. 12 year olds are sucking off other 12 year olds under the elementary school stairwells.

What the fuck happened to innocence?

My generation and the ones before it and so on and so on, were little bitches compared to todays kids. Now I know what yer thinking... this post is officially cementing me into being an old man. I am now that guy to be pointing this out. But seriously! How much worse is it going to get? Now, I'll be honest, I'm sure my mom thought I was dirty little shit for having my GF spend the night. That would be unheard of in the 50-70's. I guess it's all relative but if this is the pattern, what is it going to be like in 30 years? WIll there finally be a point where things just get so much out of hand that it starts reverting to old habits and customs? Wouldn't it be so much nicer to go back to those days?

When I was a teen:
• AOL 1.2 was king
• 28.8 was faster than lightning
• Gas was $1.15 a gallon
• When we went to the middle east, war only took a few weeks AND WE WON
• Saturday Night Live was funny
• Skateboarding was having it's first rebirth
• Neon tubes under your car were actually cool
• The rumor that the basketball star having sex for the first time was HUGE
• MP3 what?
• CD huh?
• Making a mixtape was literally just that
• No one was gay (or at least admitted to it)
• The Simpsons were bigger than Jesus
• Every girl on earth was sporting "the rachel"
• JNCO, GX, Tommy, Doc's: perfectly acceptable items of clothing
• This thing called "grunge" wasn't just a fad anymore

Ok, well after looking at that list, maybe the 90's did kind of suck. There is so much more going on nowadays and that's great and all but can't we all just slow down a bit? I'm close to 30 now. I'm not married, don't have a 401k, I don't have any kids except for a dog and only have one suit to my name.

I don't want to deal with this obscene war right now. I don't want to keep hearing about a flight being deverted because someone had some hair gel in their luggage. I don't want to have to double take a middle eastern man on the bus just out of beaten-in instinct. I don't want to see that 6 year old with the cellphone and I REALLY don't want to have to see that 12 year old girl at the mall who has her thong showing for the world to see.

Can't we have it all? Give me the int0rwebs without the spam. Give me the freedom without the war. Give me the technology without the creation of enemies. Give me the love without the cheapness.

That's doable right?

Well, this guy likes jet engines:


He also likes Beetles with jet engines:


So not why not slap two engines on a Vespa. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?


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Years of fruitless searching can stop. Best 12 bucks I ever spent (other than that 13 year old filipino hooker back in '96) . Whee!



And those who have been living under a rock for the past 10 years can watch this original (oooh, :60 second extended spot!) commercial done by Arnold Worldwide back in the day.

Click me!

Macaroni: when's the salt flats thing?
9/13
jkrewdotcom: me thinks so
Macaroni: alright, so here's my idea. We drive to Minnesota overnight.
pick up the pimp van from my dad and give him $200 for it
drive the pimp van to the salt flats
rip out EVERYTHING
jkrewdotcom: hahaha
Macaroni: wipers, etc.
roof liner
A/C compressor
mount a 5lb fire extinguisher
remove governer
trick MAF into running rich
put 100 octane gas
gut the cat
cut off the muffler
take of the moldings, hub caps, etc.
jkrewdotcom: hahaha
Macaroni: turn the front headlight into a ram air
turn the front Chrysler symbol sideways so it's more aerodynamic
jkrewdotcom:haha
Macaroni: and then, we drive the pimp van to the airport and ditch it
fly back to Minnesota and take my car home
jkrewdotcom: can we set it on fire in the ghetto?
Macaroni: ghetto? Utah?
the thirteenth is a wednesday. So we'll need to leave monday.
jkrewdotcom: can we drive it to detroit and burn it on 8 mile?
Macaroni: sure
jkrewdotcom: hooray!

You fucking rule at the black life-pausing machine box thing with the lens and stuff.



SIncerely,
JKREW

WTF blogger?!

Kate and I have an ongoing thread about the buildup of our little MK2 project car. It's about 12 pages long and shows every single thing we've done to her.

The thread be here:
http://forums.vwvortex.com/zerothread?id=2570803&page=1

Every year come Christmas time, the Costello clan would gather together for brunch and grandma bab's would write down all of our names on paper. We would draw names and that would be the person you would shop for for christmas. Easy peasy.

Well, while cleaning out the dead hookers, chicken legs and used condoms from behind the couch last night I spotted this: (see figure 1)

figure 1


I think it's the last thing my grandmother ever gave to me that she wrote. I suppose this was the last time we did the christmas thing too. After this her health started failing etc etc, you know what comes next.

It's just a piece of paper. I probably put it in my pocket after receiving it, came home, sat on the couch to watch tv and like a lazy bastard that I am, probably took it out and dropped it behind the couch. But just look at it. It was written on actual notepaper with... a pencil. Not a mechanical or a pen or on the computer, it was handwritten (in perfect cursive mind you) with an unsharpened pencil.

That's fucking oldschool right there. There's just something eloquent and innocent about it. Here you have this frail little old lady, taking this very seriously of course, sitting at her tiny kitchen table by herself, hand ripping several pieces of paper, writing all of our names on the lined paper, folding each one and slipping them into her coat for future use.

She was my last grandparent that I actually had a relationship with.

Oh and on an entirely random note, mom and jack: stop being little bitches and pick up the phone. Life is too god damn short to not have a sibling. Plus when kate and I get married, we need all of the filled seats we accumulate as much free schwag as possible.

The Cuisinart ain't gonna get in our kitchen by itself you fuckers.

I have finally graduated from IKEA furniture phase to matching furniture phase.
*wipes tear

Even if I got the second couch from another dubber for $150 bucks.
(I may have graduated but I can still haggle like a motherfucker)

WTF? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beat_%27Em_and_Eat_%27Em

I mean if the URL doesn't make you tremble in anticipation, maybe this excerpt from the description will set your panties a quiver.

In this game the player controls a pair of nude women who scuttle back and forth underneath a building as a ridiculously well-endowed man constantly ejaculates from the roof top. The player's objective is to maneuver these women so that they consume the man's semen before it hits the ground.

So as you all may or may not know, Jesus is a fan of the blog. God bless that lil' carpenter. The son of God, with all he has to do during his busy day, still sets aside time to comment on the JKREW blog. Now THAT'S a fan folks.

That brings me to another thing kate and I were talking about the other day. Kate is a budding photographer and a few days ago, we pitched a client for the chance to shoot their wedding. I think it went over well and I was quite proud at how professional kate was in the process. All the questions were answered with the best of her ability and when a stumbling block arose, I stepped in to help move things along. Anyhoo, the meeting ended and while kate was sans business cards at that moment, I handed the perspective client one of mine for the time being.

Fast forward to a few days later when word came down the grapevine that the couple had happened upon my journal and noticed the amount of profanity and other vulgar ideas that sometimes spew from my fingers when I go off on some random tangent. Most of the time it's just me going on about this or that but I do have to admit, to the first time reader, this journal could come off as somewhat... harsh.

I'll be the first to admit, I have never been let go from a job until late last year. I will also admit that my termination was probably due, in part, to my venting on this blog. I'm sure all of you have come to realise that I am very open with my life. I have no issue with letting the entire worlds populace know what I am thinking, what is right and wrong in my life et al but sometimes it just comes back to bite me in the ass. It was one of those things where I was very unhappy with my career at the time. I felt I was going no where and a bored Jason is a trouble-making Jason. While unprofessional to the fullest extent, I started bitching about my job on my blog, telling the world how unhappy I was, making idle threats of quitting and finding greener pastures. Was it wrong to do that? Nah, a little venting doesn't hurt. Was it foolish to do that? You betcha. I learned a HUGE lesson with that encounter and in doing so, I lost my job because my boss was a reader at that time. Oops.

Then there was that time almost two years ago when I went off on kate's family after a short encounter with them that wasn't to my liking. Just an everyday journal entry, venting of my displeasure of how they operated and how it affected me. Yeah, well, it's been close to a year and I have yet to step foot in her parents house since. Double oops.

So, why am I rambling now? Well, kate and I were talking last night about how I could have lost her a client because my journal was made public. I felt horrible that this damn journal could have quite possibly come back to bite not only me but now her in the booty once more. I can handle when it effects my life but now it was affecting the life of my future spouse. What actions I bring to this journal DOES cause reactions.

We kept going on about the choice I made to keep this public, full well knowing that my boss, my freelance clients, my mom, your mom, Jesus, ANYONE can read what I write. I do get off on it. There is some sense of voyeurism that I enjoy making available to anyone who has the time to read my thoughts. But I do have to keep telling myself that if I choose to go forth and vent or make a bold statement here or there, there can and probably will be, repercussions.

Well, I guess there really isn't a point to this post. Maybe I'm trying to explain my actions to the readers out there. Maybe I want them to know that I'm not a foul-mouthed heathen with an IQ of 12 who just gets off on cussing and ranting about potty-mouth ideas. (Well, ok, I do swear like a drunken sailor.) But in the end, I think kate summed it up best, I'm just an average guy with average problems. The only difference between me and you is that I tell the world instead of keeping it private. Is there a time and a place for venting issues to the world? Sure, but if I didn't do that, you wouldn't be reading this right now.

You probably swear the same amount as I do. You probably hate dislike your job as much as I do (I used to, now I LOVE my job, hooray!), you probably dislike your in-laws from time to time just like me. Everyone should vent a little sometimes. It does make you feel better. Try it. Next time you have a bad day, go home, pick up a pillow and scream, at the top of your lungs, EVERY SINGLE SWEAR WORD YOU KNOW into that pillow. Punch it. Throw it across the room. Jump up and down on it.

I bet you'll giggle afterwards and feel better. I bet that in-law of yours really isn't that much of a dickhead to you anymore right?

Told you so.

bonnie: i want to get drunk and fuck sean
*looks embarrassed
jkrewdotcom: w t f
bonnie: i won't
and won't tell him
jkrewdotcom: are you okay honey?
bonnie: b/c i want drunk sex?
does it make me not ok?
jkrewdotcom: I'm just confused. Can't you do that whenever you want?
bonnie: i can't now b/c he and i are pausing
jkrewdotcom: when are you pushing play again?
bonnie: i'd have to pause the pause to have drunk sex
i just wanted a few days
jkrewdotcom: well, can't you pause the pause?
by the way, this is all going down in the blog
bonnie: or maybe just us at a lighter level
like diet sean and bonnie
jkrewdotcom: Well, how about this, I say instead of pausing the pause, go hit the rewind by frame button
bonnie: now you're just stretching for blog material and puns
;p
jkrewdotcom: yeah, yer right, I had nothing to back that joke up with. It's almost 5 o clock
bonnie: is that when your funny shuts down?
jkrewdotcom: oh yeah but I think it took off early today
ZING!
bonnie: then what's your excuse most other days?
jkrewdotcom: ouch
bonnie: double zing!

Sure, all that to sell mayo. That sounds logical.