I remember sitting at my dads house when I was 13-ish and watching this movie over and over again. I never did drugs back then but with this movie, you really didn't need any.

Well, now some cats re-scored it i.e. aphex twin and others and now it's 250% more fucked up!

Wheeeeee =)

w00t!

Ok folks, loads of changes today. Kind of slow at work so I am trying to soak up all the stuff I am lacking in terms of knowledge base. I'm slowly learning CSS and some simple java with the help of all the coders here at work (and Rob Zamboni). CSS sucks dude. Flash is coming along but we're just not getting along just yet.

Also, I re-splashed the intro page of jkrew.com with a link to this blog. Now, remember back a few months ago where I hid it from peeping eyes? I really wasn't comfortable with that. (Plus I lost a good 300 visits a day in traffic=\) So now it's back. And before you flip out mom, I have thought about making it visible for a while now and think this can be a good decision for everyone.

Why did I hide it back in the day? Well, I tend to talk a lot of shit when I am frustrated and angry with things and that isn't the best idea if potential clients are reading let alone the boss at work. But, onwards and upwards. I really do feel more comfortable when giving myself to the world in terms of the blog and when it all comes down to it, I like having people want to read about my life. Good and bad. But I will watch my tongue from now on. Promise.

And, having learned a valuable lesson from the parental unit, I will definately try to make the blog section more of a valuable user experience when you visit in the future. I am planning on doing more creative projects just to get back in the saddle again after a very VERY long creative haitus due to stagnant job placement. Interviews with other artists/creative folk are coming as well and a few other surprises =)

So,
The good: Welcome back readers who were lost along the way!
The gooder: JKREW is now rss feed ready if you want to add it to yer list.
The goodest: Now with 75% more cool crap!

Well, finally got the rss feed up. Also have atom. You choose.
(just for you mattybear)

feed://www.jkrew.com/atom.xml
feed://www.jkrew.com/rss.xml

Cleaning up the blog. Stage one is pretty much done. May create section dividers for days vs. no dividers at all.

Stage two is trashing jkrew and making the blog full time. Scary times ahead folks.

Stage three is so hush hush, even I don't know! wheeeeeee!

Ok, I officially want one.

Click me

Click me

Click me
thanks erin

Click me

Click me

Click me

Click me

Click me

we want to see your photos from when you had those two days off last week! hook it!

sincerely,

your fans.

I remember two summers ago after ending my relationship with satan, I went on a nice little bender or sorts. I pretty much did whatever the fuck I pleased until my body just called it quits. While doing this, the ex, with her many drunk-dialed tyrades, told me that I was fake etc etc etc for doing all the wonderful new things I was doing.

Think mid-life crisis at 28. I had no idea what she was talking about because at the time, it felt good and good was the only feeling I cared about.

Now I know what she was talking about. (To an extent mind you. She can't be 100% right.)

But yeah. It's sad. Death to posers.

Dear kate,

I have a new obsession. Her name is Sarah Silverman. That whore evangeline can beat it. She's so last year anyway. And even though I'm a gentile and she's a jew, we'll find a way to make it work. Plus she says things like the title of this post and that makes me sort of warm in the bathing suit area.

I'll always love you though.

-JKREW

Click me

jkrewdotcom: I just gave a pickle to the dude next to me and it was his first ever
kate: wheeeeeeeeee! hahaha
did his head explode?
the pickles you get are super tasty
jkrewdotcom: hahahaha it was cute
ok imagine this in my haji voice
"wait, you say this is a cucumber?"
"why is it smaller? It doesn't taste like a cucumber. Why is it salty? I think I like this! blahblahblah, you should try this!"
jkrew: bridging the cultural gaps, one man at a time.
kate: hahahah hooray!
jkrewdotcom:and now, from upso... retarded screamcore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShgrGgp_tlo
thats pretty badass
kate: who's singing?
it does make me happy to see they can have a good time
jkrewdotcom: exactly!

Ever since I got hella sick, I've given up the hooch and have been trying to get a good sleep pattern back lately i.e. being COMPLETELY sober when going to bed. So not even a glass of wine before bed.

Anyhoo, I've been having these INCREDIBLY vivid dreams for the past week. And sometimes they even wake me up, then I'll go to pee, fall back asleep and have an entirely different dream. This can happen upwards to 5 times a night.

Now some of you may be like "Um, who the fuck cares? I dream too douchebag" but you have to remember, I have had maybe 4-10 dreams in the past two years that I can remember. So not only am I dreaming, they are almost lifelike and last night was the first time I lucid dreamt.

That being said, I think it's a good idea to jot down my dreams. Some are pretty fucking well thought out in terms of plot line that it even impresses myself. I wish I could illustrate them because it would be so much cooler. The dreams I've been having are incredibly detailed and I really wish I could somehow record them and show people.

Anyhoo, prepare for a lengthy post:

Friday:
Friday's was pretty tame. I watched Syriana before bed so I'm assuming that was what spurred this dream but it consisted of myself, stoner dave and our old AWOL friend matt as well as an old guy in my old house in savannah.

We just did this heist job of sorts and then it got to be night time so we were dividing up the dibs and matt starts laying into me for some reason so I just fucking went off on him etc etc and everyone joined in and he told us all to fuck off and walked out of the house. But it was so lifelike as I have wanted to tell him off a few times in the past over odds and end bullshit squabbles we have had. And this time it was just so permanent feeling. I just let out all of my anger on him.

So anyways, then I went to the kitchen window and the house turned into stoner dave's mom's old house (odd I could remember her house) and went to smoke a cig. out the back window and the ashtray had this weird hidden spot in it and I turned it over and it had my old deadbeat roommates weed stash in it. And then I woke up.

Ok, wtf.

Saturday:
I dreamt that I was a black dude. Almost the same body build as Dave Chappelle, small, skinny and tall. I was in jail but it was some fucked up southern jail where James Gandolfini was the warden. He was corrupt and throughout the entire dream I felt like I was getting screwed over by him. I was constantly worrying about suffering by his wrath. It was definitely one of those feelings where there was that constant air of control looming over my head.

Anyways, I was set to be hung in a few days. And every time I interacted with him, it was always uneasy laughing all the while I was thinking of a way out. Some way to escape.

Then I started with this plan of escape where the timing would have to be perfect. There was a golf tourny outside the prison and we all started to walk towards the main gate. They somehow knew I was possibly trying to escape so I threw out my plan to run as soon as I got outside.

The tourny started and I think it was a fixed match where the ringer was under the wardens control. His opponent broke his wrist and the warden screamed into the crowd of watching cons to see who else could play. Naturally, everyone looked at me because I guess I was a good golfer. One of the prison bookies agreed to a bet of 83 to 1 against my favour and the warden took it happily. I played my ass off and won.

The warden wasn't happy so I was set to be hung after the match. We walked out to the tallest tree in this massive open field full of lush grass and the rope was thrown over the tallest limb and I was hoisted up. But as soon as I started to black out, the guy pulling me let go of the rope and I fell to the ground. As soon as I hit ground, it gave way and I fell 10 feet below the surface into this open cavern. While everyone was scrambling to climb down, I took off down this tunnel and it opened up 100 yards away in the middle of the field and I just ran like hell. I came to a fence and it turned out to be the perimeter of someone's property. I climbed it and it turned out to be in the middle of the forrest. There I met a woman living in the house and pretty much just woke up.

When I woke up, I thought to myself, how the fuck could a dream have all of the properties of a movie? It had the antagonist, the problem, the solution etc etc all in one even-flowing narrative? So weird.

Last night:
Pretty standard dream. I was at a book signing event, it was busy as hell, I was at the bar and there was kim cattralll. She and I chatted it up and the next thing I know we were in a hotel room. She was dressed to the nines in Agent Provocateur and I spent a good 5 minutes of the dream undressing her but in the end, her panties were still left on but we still started to have sex. She was wearing just about the sexiest pink and black number I had ever seen and each time I took off an item of clothing she had this massive smile on her face. Corset, stockings, straps etc etc. Then kate texted me (in real life) and I woke up. So, three facts can be taken from that dream. Although old, kim cattrall is still fucking hella hot. Two, I can't even fully cheat on kate even in my dreams and three, even when I'm dreaming, kate knows that I'm being a naughty boyfriend and will inadvertently stop me.

I just emailed ed at ecodeparts to see if he could import you one =)

*swooooooons

Shifter cart on I-95

And an 1100cc gixxercart on the sexy-as-hell Nürburgring. Click me

Why not? Brilliant idea =)

Click me

Well after getting close to a hundred emails asking me if I have died, fallen off the face of the earth or simply abandoned the krew blog altogether I suppose it was time for an update.

All is going well in VW land. I am trying quite hard to make a name for myself here in the office. I've also been battling a horrid case of the death flu this week (ghey I know, I got sick the moment I woke up on monday) and even had to take a half day midweek to rest up but all is returning to normal.

Work is very different now that I have made the switch to the RGB world. Things are so much easier to create when done in 72dpi rather than 300. Photoshop is so much faster with 20 meg files as apposed to 800! Wheeee =)

People are quite nice here. There is even a guy who has a sr20det nissan swap! I was also invited to have a donut this morning in the VW quad (I'm stationed in no mans land temporarily while my perm. diggs are set up).

So all in all, it's good here. I miss Ogilvy like crazy. I miss the hustle and bustle of the city because getting a good meal in reston is pretty much self explanatory =\ It is nice to drive 30 seconds to home to have lunch with the pooch though. And Dara is barely warmed up before I even get to work so I foresee walking to work on nice days very soon.

Anyhoo, I hope everyone has a great weekend and I will be sure to upload some new work as soon as I get the go ahead with VW and the likes.

XOXO,
JKREW

It's almost 3 'o clock here and I think I rather like my surroundings. It's very quiet. Almost every code monkey in here is of Indian descent but are awfully nice and forthcoming to introduce themselves. It's going to be tough to remember everybodies names though and as everyone who knows me knows that I suck at getting names down quickly.

My boss(?) Dave is a pretty cool dude who is quiet as hell but I think will open up a bit down the road. They stuck me in a corner area with plenty of sun and a massive window above my head so I think if I bring in some plants, they will do well here.

I have a brand spankin' new G5 quietly humming next to my knee right now but the bad thing is that it's connected to a shite 17" CRT monitor which I believe was an old server monitor as a pretty XP screen is burnt into it. GHEY. I don't have any software on this computer either and was told to download Adobe's CS2 suite from the LA server. GHEY part II!

But... there's a pretty 21" widescreen cinema display to the left of me waiting a new power cord. w00t!

The bandwidth blows at this place. I guess I was really REALLY spoiled with Ogilvy's Q3 setup downing 11megs/sec. I'm lucky to get 80k/sec here. Poop to that I say.

I went home to eat lunch today. Carson was happy of course. They have free tea here but it's all of these totally fucked up flavours like cinnamon spice and the green tea is decaf so um, that won't do.

The heirarchy is weird here too as this place is mainly the coding arm of the larger body. The creative team is based in LA so I think it's going to be hard for me to make my nest here. The days of loud music and sporadic behaviour are going to have to wait as I am definately not in my element. The VW team is surrounded by many, many quiet coder bees but within the VW hive, there are some really fun people. I hope to move my desk area near them soon as I keep hearing my name and "new designer" over the desk walls.

Well, that's about it. I know it's not too exciting but I think if it was any more exciting I wouldn't get any work done =)

8:45am: Arrive at work. No one here.

9:05am: go back to work after wandering around building. 2 people here.

9:20am: My "mentor" arrives and asks me if I have seen the game room and gym.

9:21am: I shit myself.

9:45am: My "mentor" helps me log in to my email account. I misspell the companies name.

9:46am: Given tickets to go with the office to see the nationals play.

10:40am: Still surfing vwvortex (research!!! omg yes!) as no Photoshop or Illustrator is installed on my machine.

And I couldn't be happier. Took me 29 years to turn the ole' lass.

*wipes tear

This shit is good. But you can be better =)

Sincerely,
JKREW

Please tell your fucking team to score a goal.

Thanks in advance,
JKREW

I've already seen it. Please don't email it to me for the next 4 months.

Click me

I would be a good con man. I'll just come out and say it. I'm an exceptionally good liar and if there is something I can get by way of bending truths, it's a good bet I can do it if I wanted to go that route.

When I graduated, well hell, I did it in college, but after college I got a job in one of the best advertising agencies in the world. There I learned how things in "big corporate ad agencies" worked. Clients offered their agencies "perks" to keep them happy or to help schmooze other clients to get more business etc etc.

Being a young fresh-faced worker bee, I was often given comp tickets to sports events or movie premieres etc etc. This went on for a few years leading to bigger and better trips and before I knew it, I was getting quite accustomed to this new lifestyle.

And then one day I decided to see how far I could go to get what I wanted. The Grand Prix was in town for it's inaugural race in DC and I wanted in. Sure you could buy tickets for 20 bucks to sit on the grass but I wanted more. I called up the press office and told them I was with an online automotive magazine called JKREW Tuner Magazine. After a few phone calls I was the brand new recipient of two free pit passes, two VIP tent passes and two VIP Owners tent seats with all the champagne and fruit I could consume. It was amazing. With just a handful of white lies, I shmoozed my way into every racing teams tent, every owners tent. I was talking with the mechanics for the Viper and Porsche team. Talking shop with racers.

And then it fizzled away. The free trips went away. The schmoozing slowed down to next to nothing. My days of "Ferris Buellering" my way into things just stopped. Maybe I grew up. Maybe I got lazy and didn't want to go out as much.

I'm not sure how it happened but it did and life just got... Well, it got fucking boring.

Now, I know some of you are saying, "well dude, it's lying. That's not right."

And I agree, but it also taught me how to pitch to people. It taught me to think fast on my feet. "Social Engineering", as the kids say, is a good trait to have in my mind. Always having an angle. Always being able to sway someone's opinion.

And now that brings me to my long-winded point. I want that part of my life back. I want to go on adventures. I want to show kate things that aren't "normal".

So, here is my goal. I thought about it a few nights ago before going to bed.

Penguins.

I want to play with penguins with kate. My goal is to somehow interact with penguins. Maybe to feed them or something. I have no idea how I am going to do it but it will happen. Why penguins? Well, I used to hate them but now I love the little fuckers and that's the only reason I can pull out of my ass right now.

Operation: Dances with Penguins is underway.

I'll keep you updated.

Matching homemade sweatshirts for your overpriced "limited edition" Nike's.

Gay

Not Gay

Click above to vote

MOTHERFUCK NO.
Three more days. Three more days...

Click me

Relive those college memories with Bill! You could go to the local drive in and then make out with him afterwards just like old times! Come on, I know you want to. You can have it on the weekends. It would be the best bonding experience EVER.

XOXO,
Your Loving Son

From the gifted movie making skills of Rob Zamboni

Click me

flesh peddler: yt?
jkrewdotcom (Autoreply): I'm just a material girl living in a material world.
flesh peddler: hey, just left you a vmail letting you know that you got the job!!
probably better that i didn't reach you so you dind't start humping the phone.
anyway, congrats and thanks for nailing it! lets touch base alter to talk about the start date and stuff



and taken from my design nerd messageboard. This sums everything up quite nicely:

Kraken
10 mins ago
send message
no one deserves to pimp VWs with interactive online wankery more than you.
congrats!

Well, I'll break down the interview in a nicely packaged, bulleted list:

• Arrive at office for second in-person interview. Office is straight out of the dot com era. Halogen ceiling lights, plasma TV's, a gym and game room upstairs, expensive furniture by german designers. Eames and Corbusier as far as the eye can see.

• I am greeted by two "producers" wearing flip flops and vans (casually dressed, w00t!). I am, of course, overdressed in button down and prada. Oops.

• I am ushered into a room with a plasma screen wider than I am tall.

• I get the low down. If I get the job, I am to upkeep and design for the vw.com and vw.ca website with all related daughter sites as well. Mutual vocal masturbation ensues re: Crispin Porter + Bogusky etc etc etc.

• I pull out my work on boards but am told they only want to see my web work.

• I shit myself as I only brought (only have made a handful of sites in my life) a handful of boards. Not one piece of my actual print work is shown.

• I am asked my scale of fluency in the CS2 suite et al as well as Flash. I give high praise of Adobe yet low praise of Flash. All seems well.

Blah blah blah, yada yada yada. Shake hands. Exchange cards blah blah blah.

I have no fucking idea what is going on. I think I want to vomit. At least I gave it my all.

• My second interview with the dream job™ is tomorrow at 3pm. Pray for mojo.
• I shaved off my beard. Whit and I decided it was a draw but more leaning towards his side because he has dark hair and I don't.
• Beards itch like a motherfucker.
• I am currently washing avery ounce of clothing I own because I am a lazy bastard.
• Kate gave me a haircut.
• I trimmed my nose hairs.
• Betty didn't place yesterday but she looked fresh as ever nonetheless (see figure 1)

Figure 1:


• I just updated my portfolio and I am quite pleased with my work.
• My dog does the moon walk after drinking water.
• People who have no talent yet still make art director are still hacks.
• I can't spell the word every well.

• I am nervous as fuck but I want this job so bad I can taste it so things will go well. It has to. The metrobus to DC can eat a dick.

On prior employees they placed at your job:

Flesh Peddler: how did she do there?
jkrewdotcom: she was probably one of the best workers I have worked with
Flesh Peddler: nice!
jkrewdotcom: yeah, and we made out in the mens bathroom in some bar my third week on the job =)
good times
Flesh Peddler: LOL

Christ that's sexy. *sighs

Kate's list to be combined later. Duh.

• Go to Orioles game and have a hotdog and beer
• Tubing down the Shenandoah
• Go to a fair
• Drive in movie
• Bugout 59, H20 etc etc
• Repeated trips to the beach
• Waterparks in tri state area
• Camp out at Assateague to see wild horses

That's about it. I don't want to say "cross country trip to cali" or any other shit that I have no hopes to do. Keep it simple I always say.

kate's list:
• trip up to rochester, ny to see their bonsai arboretum
• finding all the cool swimming holes in western va
•bull run swimming hole
•the tubs
• rawley springs
•dismal falls
• cedar creek falls
•these are in md
•cascade lake
•milford mill
• car shows, car shows, car shows
• at least one trip to the baltimore aquarium
• at least one gala or banquet just for kicks
• see a ballet
• see the national symphony orchestra
• soaking in a state hotspring

Just got off the phone with "alex" in the LA office. Phone call went GREAT.

They asked me in for a face to face tommorow or early next week.

Memorable notes of the call:

call dwindling to a close...
me: I dunno if the flesh peddler told you but I am total diehard VW gearhead.
her: Oh yeah, mauro told us about your little obsession. That's exactly what we are looking for.
me: So do you pretty much get design direction with CP+B and then do what they say to the vw.com site?
her: well, yes and no. They are straying from the site and dealing mostly with other aspects of the brand.
me: O rly?
her: Yeah so we are trying to make it ours and will design it ourselves.
me: Oh cool. yeah I'm not trying to re-design it, I just want to be a part of it.
her: Oh, well go nuts. If you get the job, it's yours to do with whatever. Go nuts.
me: *faints
her: Um, hello? What's that noise? Are you humping the phone? Hello?

So I frequent this chinese-owned lunch place about 2-3 times a week called Jack's Fresh. It is mainly comprised of 2 very large buffet-style tables with food ranging from turkey and mashed potatoes to bulgogi (korean bar-b-q). They also have really really fresh salads as well as a grill where you can get just about anything you want, made to order.

Anyhoo, I love me some Jack's Fresh (20th and M st) and while I was there about a month ago, I noticed they had these hand lettered signs on the grill front that read something in the effect of "Cheeseburger and fries, 4.29$" in really nasty handwriting.

So a week later, before I walked over to grab a bite, I cranked up Illustrator and set out a nice typograhical marvel and printed up a few sheets to give to the owner. At first glance, he was really taken aback at the idea that a) someone just made him a few signs, b) someone had the time to do so and c) someone really went to the trouble of doing such a thing.

I just dislike ugly signs. Nothing less, nothing more.

Anyways, he thanks me in broken english and I am off on my way to enjoy my club sandwich and fries.

Cut to today. Right before I head out the door, I remembered that I forgot to do one sign that says "Order here" on it. Again, the original is written in shite lettering. I lay it out, print it and walk on over.

This time, my sandwich maker informs the owner's wife that I was the dude who made the first set of signs, she eyes me from across the room, walks over and hugs me and again, thanks me in broken english.

So here I am, being hugged by a chinese woman in a greasy apron in the middle of a busy restaurant all the while everyone is looking on to see why I am the lucky recipient of such a hug. She starts shouting to her husband and he looks at me, smiles and shouts back to her. She then takes my hand and walks me to the register where she tells the checkout gal "HE NO PAY! NO PAY. ON HOUSE!"

I object to the gift but knowing kate's mom, you don't say no to an asian woman.

So yeah, I really just wanted to help these folks out but instead, I walk out with a free lunch. Hooray!

Everything tastes better when it's free =)

Man, I haven't been this giddy/nervous for a job since my first one.
Hooray!

And lord help me if I fuck it up but then again, I miss Cocky JKREW™.
I think it's time for him to make a comeback =)