So there's this dame from my past who recently resurfaced in my life for a few minutes the other day and it got me thinking after checking out her blog. After snooping around in search of some inspiration (as I hold this gal in quite a high regard as a fellow designer) and instead of seeing any new and inspiring work, I was more entranced by her photos as of late.

Now a little back story here, she came into my life during the period I like to refer to as the "Jason's rampant abuse of time and money during college" time period. I was months away from graduating art school, I got out of class every day at noon and either went to the beach to surf or hang out and drink with my best buddy Stoner Dave EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was awesome I'm not gonna lie. It was probably the best time of my life in terms of just pure pleasure-based living. I had just broken up with my long-term GF for the 30th time and life was sweet. I had a massive crush on this girl for nearly my entire stay at school in Savannah and as luck would have it, we sort of started up something kind of in between dating and mutual worshipping of each other for the last semester. I thought she was one of the best designers I had ever seen and I think she got off on the fact that I went about life not caring too much about anything (in a good way of course). In hindsight, we used each other for our own reasons and were perfectly ok with it.

She could probably crack a walnut with her ass she was so uptight and when we hung out, she was sort of forced to finally let loose. I think that's where she got the most pleasure from out of what we had for those brief months. In return, I got to have an accomplice to hang out with while I spent my last days during school. She would smoke cigarettes and drink with me, we would go to parties together, we died our hair the same colour; essentially, I was her dark side. But with that being said, I don't think I have ever had a more creative period in my life than I did with her and living next to Stoner Dave.

To make matters more sticky, she was dating someone at the time, the relationship was going south and I didn't care one way or another. He was in another state and due to where I was at that time in my life, I had no problem being selfish.

So as the semester grew to a close, I found myself at a crossroads. I could hang out in Savannah for another 3 months and wait for everyone to finish up (I was a 1/2 semester ahead) or go back home and get a job. I chose the latter knowing if I stayed, yes it would remain the same and I would have a ball but it would just remain the same and I wouldn't get anything new out of it. So, the very last night I was in town, things went a little too far, things happened and the next morning I was driving across the Savannah bridge with all of my belongings in the trunk to never make the trip back over that bridge again.

The fucked up thing about this whole thing is that we never spoke after that morning.

Now, I'm not one to hang on to the past but it pissed me off that I was forgotten like a 6th period math class after all of the experiences we enjoyed with each other for close to six months. I'm an only child raised by my mom; I'm a sensitive pussy who needs closure and I never got it (although it is nice to get this out finally).

Anyways, moving on, so here I was, going through her flickr account and I found myself not really stalking on her per say but admiring her lifestyle. I missed how inspired I was by how she decorated her work station or how she styled her letters on notes. I missed how I always tried to adapt her styles to my own somehow just because she was really good at the intricacies of certain things and I always lacked that regime in my skillset.

Is it possible to just have a crush not on a person but on their creativity?

So, here's the kicker to this whole thing. After seeing how this now ghost of a person lived merely by looking at a handful of photos, I find myself inspired to push myself again just like I did when I met her for the first time.

I haven't cared about design for close to 5 years. The day I was let go from my first job in 2003; the job where I truly gave my all to, I never gave 100% again. I stopped keeping up with design trends and keeping friendships with people who created beautiful things. I stopped experimenting and became lazy with my work as well as at my jobs. I became stale. I'm actually really excited about my new job. I think this is going to be great for me and now I really think I'm going to start pushing myself again all because this random girl came back in my life for maybe 15 minutes.

Now I'm 31 years old, a homeowner, a fairly successful designer in my field and a fiancé of one of the greatest women I have ever known and I really feel like I did when I got out of school. I don't feel stuck anymore. It feels like I have this massive opportunity to do whatever I want with my life again and I have to admit it feels great. Kate and I survived the initial make-or-break period of living with one another with flying colours and there are blue skies in sight. My new job is giving me carte blanche with their brand and portfolio and the only thing that can fuck it up is me.

Kind of weird to feel fresh again. I forgot what it felt like.