Well, I just got back from the dentist and I must say, he and his lovely assistant gave me the most pleasurable dental visit EVARR. Like ever ever.

I got to the office, was greeted by this overly french woman who briskly handed me a mountain of paperwork to fill out. I then sat on the couch resisting the urge to vomit on the carpet and then the dental assistant suddenly vaporized out of thin air to walk me back to the pain chair.

"I have to tell you, I'm gonna just say this now and get it out in the open. My mouth is a festering pile of horse feces that has been sitting in the sun for three months. If you feel the need to vomit or scream or recoil in general horror after looking at my grill, feel free to do so. Also, after looking at said grill, you wish to refer me to your dental enemy, I won't mind that at all either."

She sat me down, took a look at my split tooth and took a digital picture. I know! Digital x-rays whee! The last time I was at the dentist, they used a pointy stick and a heavy rock to etch away at my teeth.

Doctor Dodrill finally came in, gave me a hearty handshake and took a seat. Dr. D (for short of course) was a kind looking man in his 60's with a low and calming voice. Almost as if God himself was speaking to me himself. He took a look at the tooth and held in his recoil as best he could and started jibbering off dental jargon to his assistant.

Minutes later, I had a t-clamp, 8mm 1/4 socket and something called a DDR or a DDT or something in my mouth. He took out this thing for which looked EXACTLY like a needle syringe-thing but coyly distracted me by telling me something about cars and 30 seconds later, he had the syringe thing in my mouth and was massaging my gum. Bam! The fucker stuck me with a needle without even telling me or me actually feeling it. I wanted to fellate the gentle dentist right then and there for his understanding that I'm a dripping teenaged girl when it comes to needles.

So, we took some more x-rays, found out I was .0000001" away from getting a root canal. Thank goodness. Nooo root canal. I'm babbling.

Anyways, all in all, it was AWESOME. My tooth is back to normal. It cost me a whopping 68 bucks and I even set up an appointment to get two more teeth fixed on Monday. (I told you my mouth was fuX0red...)

Let this be a lesson to you folks. Get your teeth checked out. Spare the drama. I waited several years to go to one and yes, I'm sort of paying the price for it but some people just have to go at their own pace and well, yeah, this was my own pace.