Well, it seems that I have a tumor or some sort of flesh eating virus on my upper-spine lately. I'm on day 2 of just about the most horrible pain you can imagine and I'm about to just OD on some painkillers, find a nice comfy couch and call it a day.

So, just in case I am dying (and me not having health coverage is going to suck a fat dong) here is my last will and testament.

I, JKREW, of semi sound mind, declare that this is my Last Will and Testament.

Article I
Preliminary Declarations

I revoke all prior wills and codicils.

Article 2
Specific Bequests and Devises

I give my car, Dara, to Kate Halstead but require she give her Honda to Dain Valverde because his Accord is a rotting pile of dog feces and hopefully now he can get laid in a proper car that doesn't smell of 2 year old ashtrays and cat semen.

I give my dog, Carson, to Mrs. Stark as she knows how to deal with large dogs and God knows if I gave Carson to my mom, he would immediately be given a bitch-dog haircut which would embarrass Carson to no end.

I give my tools and movie collection to Stoner Dave as I might as well pay him back for the countless tools I never returned to him as I was a shite neighbour in that sense.

All of my plants are to be divided among Stoner Dave and Kate but Ming must stay with kate at all times.

My Mac goes to Erin because she is almost as crazy as me and only crazy people are allowed to use Macs.

All of my alcohol goes to Kate #2 and Rob Zamboni because their livers can give my liver a run for it's money on any given day.

All of my paraphernalia and illegal substances goes to my stepdad Bill because he was/is the cool party kid in college.

My MP5 and Glocks go to Nick because if anyone is going to go on a shooting spree, it's gonna be him.

And finally, my credit rating goes to my mom just to show her I finally got out of debt even if it killed me.

Article 3
Executor and Administrative Powers

I nominate Reverend Baby Jesus Christ to serve as Executor of my Estate.

Article 4
Guardianship Provisions

If, at my death, I have any child or children under age 18 and such child or children does not have a living parent, and is cute, they are to be sent out on the street to learn to survive as I did slinging yay and living in run down buses not knowing where my next meal would come from.


On this 28th day of February, 2006, in the Commonwealth of Virginia I hereby sign this document and declare it to be my last Will.