2.19.2003
• Daily Rant/Writing from me to anyone Part 1 •
My words are a drug and you're hooked on my phonics. You say you want romance? Well, she says she wants attention. And he says he wants happiness. WHAT THE FUCK? The volume on my headphones can't go up high enough. I remember HOW it used to be, WHAT it used to be, the way I used to be. But it isn't that time anymore. What happened? When did it all change?
Too many questions. Too much lack of effort on your part, too much protagonism on my part. You have beaten me down. I remember when I used to care. I remember when I would make myself sick for you. 3am? Not a problem, I'll be right over. Are you worth a week of my troubles just to see you smile? Sure, not a problem. I remember when I came up with bullshit about stars this and moon that and the world is yours if I can only give it to you. It was truth then is now just a regurgitated maneurism from which my lips spew forth to your semi-deaf ears and your cold, cold heart.
I could sleep next to you and listen to your breathing and feel your pulse against my skin and look at your closed eyes and your tusseled hair and just sigh myself to sleep. I remember when things were adventurous and I remember when whatever you said was something new to me. I remember when I would break my back for you creativly and you would feign interest and you would fake surprise and you would pretend to be floored but now it seems like I was wasting my time.
Why can't you be what I want you to be? I upheld my part of the bargain. I changed for you. I bent for you. I gave for you. Time after motherfucking time. Whenever there was compromise, it was me signing the contract. That isn't compromise, thats slavery. Why didn't this thing come to me years ago. Things would be different. The light wouldn't be too dark and I'm sure I could still see but now I can't and this thing came to me too late and now I am lost.
My feet are embedded in the earth and everytime I try to step out, I sink further. They tell me to just jump off the cliffs edge and be happy with the wings I will produce. They tell me its easy, 1-2-3 jump. Just close your eyes and jump. How hard can it be? Its pretty hard to have faith on such things that may disapoint mid fall. So up to the edge I go. I take my deep breath and prepare for my leap but I always turn back. I look around. I wait for something to grab me and take me in and tell me it will be ok but it never happens. So time after time of being let down wouldn't it be obvious to just jump? One would think so but I guess that isn't the case at this point in time.
I'm too tired now. I have no energy anymore. Thats fine. Ok. Sure. Whatever you want. I'll be right over.
My words are a drug and you're hooked on my phonics. You say you want romance? Well, she says she wants attention. And he says he wants happiness. WHAT THE FUCK? The volume on my headphones can't go up high enough. I remember HOW it used to be, WHAT it used to be, the way I used to be. But it isn't that time anymore. What happened? When did it all change?
Too many questions. Too much lack of effort on your part, too much protagonism on my part. You have beaten me down. I remember when I used to care. I remember when I would make myself sick for you. 3am? Not a problem, I'll be right over. Are you worth a week of my troubles just to see you smile? Sure, not a problem. I remember when I came up with bullshit about stars this and moon that and the world is yours if I can only give it to you. It was truth then is now just a regurgitated maneurism from which my lips spew forth to your semi-deaf ears and your cold, cold heart.
I could sleep next to you and listen to your breathing and feel your pulse against my skin and look at your closed eyes and your tusseled hair and just sigh myself to sleep. I remember when things were adventurous and I remember when whatever you said was something new to me. I remember when I would break my back for you creativly and you would feign interest and you would fake surprise and you would pretend to be floored but now it seems like I was wasting my time.
Why can't you be what I want you to be? I upheld my part of the bargain. I changed for you. I bent for you. I gave for you. Time after motherfucking time. Whenever there was compromise, it was me signing the contract. That isn't compromise, thats slavery. Why didn't this thing come to me years ago. Things would be different. The light wouldn't be too dark and I'm sure I could still see but now I can't and this thing came to me too late and now I am lost.
My feet are embedded in the earth and everytime I try to step out, I sink further. They tell me to just jump off the cliffs edge and be happy with the wings I will produce. They tell me its easy, 1-2-3 jump. Just close your eyes and jump. How hard can it be? Its pretty hard to have faith on such things that may disapoint mid fall. So up to the edge I go. I take my deep breath and prepare for my leap but I always turn back. I look around. I wait for something to grab me and take me in and tell me it will be ok but it never happens. So time after time of being let down wouldn't it be obvious to just jump? One would think so but I guess that isn't the case at this point in time.
I'm too tired now. I have no energy anymore. Thats fine. Ok. Sure. Whatever you want. I'll be right over.
- Thursday, January 26, 2006 at 8:08 PM
- Posted by JKREW
- 1 Comments
god damn you've turned emo on me.