This is the story of Braveheart Stoner Dave

It was cold as hell that evening. Dave had decided to turn in early and Jess and I were sitting comfortably on the smaller couch just talking away. Two weeks prior I had accidentally slipped off a stair in my hallway and ripped all of my ankle tendons which left me in a leg cast up to my knee.

We had been drinking wine and discussing the days events when all of a sudden, dave runs out of his room wearing only his smoking pants and wife beater. His hair was like a brushfire due to his pillow. His quickness startled both of us and made us jump up unexpectedly.

"Dude, someone is jacking your car!" he screamed as he reached for the Louisville slugger by the side of the front door and ran out of the house.

Jess and I looked at each other in disbelief and instinctively jumped up and headed to the door. Quite surprisingly, I was nimble given the cast and made it out the door before Jess could. I came to the stairs and leaned forward down the railing and swung down all 7 steps in one fluid motion. Down one flight I faced the window looking out to the parking lot. I saw dave running towards my car in it's port which was then surrounded by 3 cars and several men all staring into my windows. One dark character had a slimjim, the other two had crowbars.

I see dave blow through the front door with leopard speed. His hair blowing back in the wind as he jumped the front stairs and headed straight towards the closest victim. This happened so fast as I was still struggling down the stairs yet trying not to miss what was happening down below. I could hear jess jumping the stairs behind me. I made it down the remaining two flights just in time to see Dave strike his first blow. Holding the bat in the air as he ran, he didn't give the victim a seconds chance to prepare as he swung the bat down onto his shoulder, leveling him to the ground in a single swing.

I made it out the front door and not thinking ahead of time, I was without crutches. I couldn't put any of my weight on my foot and crawled to the last set of stairs. I heard jess scream to me 20 feet behind as she flew out of the door and threw me my crutches. I stood up and steadied myself to run to my car as I saw what would happen next.

The thieves friend saw his accomplice on the ground and screamed for him as he turned from what he was doing and ran towards dave. At this point, dave had yet to slow his pace forward and was heading towards the second closest man in his path. The guy with the crowbar swung it as hard as he could towards dave's upper body and without even stopping, dave deflects it's flight with the bat. The sound of the "cling" of metal on wood echoed throughout the dark neighbourhood as it bounced off the black MR2's front quarter panel still idling in front of my car.

Dave readied his swing sideways this time due to the carports low ceiling. He swung while running and connected to the ribcage of the man who threw the crowbar, cracking several ribs in one hit. The guy lurched to the side of the car as dave swung once more to connect to the back of the guys neck, knocking him out instantly. The remaining assailants were now reconsidering their plans for the night as Dave stood there, overlooking his last victim. His shoulders were perched forward, puffing out his chest. His arms were out to the side, one holding his bat, the other holding a closed fist. His chest was heaving in and out due to loss of breath and his mouth was half open. His eyes were covered by his long hair but I could see them as bright as day. Scared and exhilarated at the same time. He had a look that I had never seen before and I did not want to see ever again.

The assailants saw this look as well and put their arms forward to show respect and defeat. They started walking backwards, picking up their friends as they retreated. Ever so slow movements with heads lowered and eyes always on dave. Jess and I just stood there with mouths agape taking in the current situation. I remember seeing one guy run to his honda civic and throwing it in reverse, nearly crashing several times out of the neighbourhood.

The remaining men crammed into the Jetta and MR2 screaming and shouting at themselves to hurry. One man was crying and howling at his newly broken bones. They slammed the doors shut and peeled out of the driveway as I could hear their exhaust notes fade into the distance. I hobbled over to dave who was just standing there quietly. His body was completely different now. Less tense. Less on edge. Steam was leaping off his arms and back. His breath was less quick and his eyes were returning back from rage to normalcy.

Then as soon as it all happened, Dave gave a quick shake to his head, possibly jarring him from his haze, and spoke for the first time in the 2 minutes he had been outside.

"Fucking hell, I'm trying to sleep here. I'm going back to bed" he said with a chuckle and slowly and casually struts back to the condo building.

Jess and I just stare at each other. We look at my car and then back to each other with open mouths and wide eyes. It was cold and late. Did that just happen? we both thought to ourselves. It couldn't have. Did. Dave. No way. Come on, it's dave. Nice dave. We shake because of both the cold and what had just happened. There was a crowbar still stranded in the middle of the street. I decided to leave it there.

It's good to have a Dave indeed.