So I know this girl, let's call her Barry. She is pretty much an asian Paris Hilton. Chinky Hilton per say. She's a rich girl too. She has the Juicy bag, the dog that's so small it can fit in a two year old babies anus, the goofy-big sunglasses; you know, the whole nine.

And there is my girlfriend, let's call her Nate. Wait, I don't know why I am changing her name but whatever. So kate is a diva too. Not in the stuck up or rich way, more of just the "pitbull who protects it's favourite toy" way.

Anyways, I was adult friends with Barry back in the day and then we sort of just decided we were better friends than penetration partners so we decided to become brother and sister and call it a day. Everything was fun in JKREW land until he decided to start dating Kate. Kate and JKREW were fine and Barry was there as well having fun with JKREW via lunchdates, drunken phonecalls etc etc... you know, the friend thing. More like best friends.

Well, one day, Barry decided to ditch ALL of her friends and go to the dark side and date a Honda driver. Ok, that's cool. And then the phone calls stopped. And the lunch dates fizzled away. And then she was gone for months. Of all the friends she had the previous summer, not one was called. When the group hung together at meets or car shows, Barry was gone or with the other group. I wouldn't say she was fucking up, I would say she burnt a few bridges though and lost some respect along the way too.

Fast forward to the return of the queen a few weeks ago. Long story short, she is somewhat resurfacing into the circle she turned her back on and now is causing waves amongst Kate and others.

Soooo, I'm left with a predicament. These two divas are going to be under the same roof for a weekend and if faced to choose sides, of course it's clear to me whose side I will choose. Yes it sucks because "bros before hoes" etc etc but wouldn't you agree that if you are the walk-e from a friendly relationship, you give up all rights to call that play into action?

I don't know where I am going with this but all I have to say is this:

Dear Barry,

I spent good money to relax for my birthday weekend at the beach. We paid for the place before you did giving us the right to bitch. You suddenly decided to resurface so you have absolutely no place to start thinking you are righteous. You are starting from square one again. So play nice. I know you can because I still love you and you still love me but if you cause any shit, I will gut you like a fish and then rape your little bitch dog in the ass..

Huggles,
JKREW