So I work in a building that is surrounded by the normal corporate "landscaping" type of deal with bushes and trees and what not and in my attempts to quit smoking, I'll go outside to just chill on the loading dock. I do this about 5-10 times a day for a few minutes just to get some air and enjoy the sun now that it is warm. About a month ago, I noticed a pair of sparrows (I think they are sparrows) that started hanging out by the dock as well on top of this really shitty wooden wall. One bird would chill on top of the 3 story building looking down on everything and the other one would kick it right on the corner and would look at me where ever I would walk around from about 3 feet away. I wasn't really scared of getting my eye pecked out or anything so I tried to get closer to him every time I came out.

So about two weeks ago, the one bird that would kick it on the ground level started flying back and forth with pieces of mulch in his beak. Ok, cool, he's gonna make a nest for some babies. This continued for days. Every time I came out, the little bird would fly back and forth busting his ass for this nest while the other bird just chilled on top of the building. I started to get pissed at the slacker bird because clearly, he/she wasn't pulling their weight in the bird relationship.

Well, a week ago, I guess one of the birds popped out some eggs and they hatched and now all I heard when I came out was the damn babies chirping away and this one dad/mom bird now flying back and forth with worms. Nonstop. All day long. And lo and behold the fucking stoner bird was still on the roof watching the whole ordeal. I felt bad for the worker bird now. He/she never got a break for the past 4 weeks and I'm pretty damn sure when I left for the night, this bird still had to work his/her little feathered ass off to feed those whining little bastard birds.

Well today, I went outside to finally give this stoner bird a piece of mind. I had mentally prepared for a week to tell this bird off and possibly suffer the consequences of losing an eye or getting shit on or whatever and then it happened. I'm sitting there and all of a sudden, this stoner bird starts raising all this shit and fluffing up his chest. I look to the middle of the parking lot and there are two crows cawing away drinking their red stripes and generally just having a good time after a hard days work at the construction yard. They were just minding their own business when all of a sudden the stoner bird takes off like a bat out of hell towards the crows who, I'm assuming because they were almost 20 times the size of said stoner bird, continued to sit there sipping from their tasty adult beverages. The bird was getting closer and closer and closer and then BAM. The fucker flies straight into one of the crows and knocks the poor little bastard over. The other crow sees this shit happen two inches next to him and just stood their cawing out "What the fuck dude?" while stoner bird flies up and dive bombs the other crow on the head. Clearly these crows didn't see this coming from a mile away and started to take off to get away from the cracked out stoner bird.

The crows try to get away but the stoner bird continues to beat the ever-loving crap out of them in mid-flight until they were gone. I sat there in disbelief to see what would happen next for a few minutes and then I see the sparrow casually fly back to take his place on the roof. He looked down at me with this fuck-all look like his shit didn't stink and smiled.

I guess in relationships when you see a partner not doing anything, they may be doing something that may not be as evident as the one doing the hard work.

I have no idea where I was going with this and I'm also listening to David Cross while I write this so I apologise whole-heartedly.