Give till it hurts people!
Ok people. I need some help. I'm not dying or anything but this is so much more important than that. There comes a time in a persons life where he has something put in front of him that he never knew he needed but absolutely couldn't live without. This is that time for me and I'm asking for your assistance.
I need $1200 dollars. Quick.
I finally decided on a set of wheels for Dara and the cost will be a total of $2500 duckets. I will sell my existing subpar wheels for $1300 and will need a remaining $1200 to make up the difference.
Now, if I get 240 people to donate a mere $5 dollars american, I can reach my goal.
What's 5 dollars you ask?
A cup of coffee and a bagel?
An extra value meal?
A 30 second lapdance?
It's not that much of a sacrifice for my happiness if you ask me and it's for such a great cause.
Think for a moment... Remember when I gave you a ride home because you were too drunk to drive? Remember when I cockblocked your friend so you could lay the honkey-talk down on that hot girl at the bar? Remember when I made you laugh at the expense of my body due to my slap-nut funny physical humour? Remember when I listened to you go on and on for an hour because you just got your wallet stolen from that Taiwanese trannie hooker in San Padre Mexico?
And now that you remembered all that I did for you, now is the time you can finally pay me back! I even think you can even write it off as a donation so it benefits us both!
Now, "whats in it for me you fucker?" you may ask... well, other than the most important thing, my happiness, I will tell you what you get for your money...
For those donating, I have broken it down into sections:
Bronze Club - $5 will get you a lovely personalized email from me thanking you for your valued cash as well as your name on a handsome plaque that will be inside my car every carshow I go to this summer.
Silver Club - $6-50 will get you all of the above plus a glossy 8x10 photo of me sitting next to my new wheels!
Gold Club - $50-100 will get you all of the above plus a personalized drunken phonecall and song sung by me with stoner dave on accoustic guitar backup.
Platinum Club - $100+ will get you all of the above PLUS a set of my underwear or kates underwear depending on your underwear preference!
Please send all money to paypal@jkrew.com and know that with your money, you are buying my happiness so give till it hurts people!
Thank you and God Bless.
Sincerely,
Jason P. Kress
I need $1200 dollars. Quick.
I finally decided on a set of wheels for Dara and the cost will be a total of $2500 duckets. I will sell my existing subpar wheels for $1300 and will need a remaining $1200 to make up the difference.
Now, if I get 240 people to donate a mere $5 dollars american, I can reach my goal.
What's 5 dollars you ask?
A cup of coffee and a bagel?
An extra value meal?
A 30 second lapdance?
It's not that much of a sacrifice for my happiness if you ask me and it's for such a great cause.
Think for a moment... Remember when I gave you a ride home because you were too drunk to drive? Remember when I cockblocked your friend so you could lay the honkey-talk down on that hot girl at the bar? Remember when I made you laugh at the expense of my body due to my slap-nut funny physical humour? Remember when I listened to you go on and on for an hour because you just got your wallet stolen from that Taiwanese trannie hooker in San Padre Mexico?
And now that you remembered all that I did for you, now is the time you can finally pay me back! I even think you can even write it off as a donation so it benefits us both!
Now, "whats in it for me you fucker?" you may ask... well, other than the most important thing, my happiness, I will tell you what you get for your money...
For those donating, I have broken it down into sections:
Bronze Club - $5 will get you a lovely personalized email from me thanking you for your valued cash as well as your name on a handsome plaque that will be inside my car every carshow I go to this summer.
Silver Club - $6-50 will get you all of the above plus a glossy 8x10 photo of me sitting next to my new wheels!
Gold Club - $50-100 will get you all of the above plus a personalized drunken phonecall and song sung by me with stoner dave on accoustic guitar backup.
Platinum Club - $100+ will get you all of the above PLUS a set of my underwear or kates underwear depending on your underwear preference!
Please send all money to paypal@jkrew.com and know that with your money, you are buying my happiness so give till it hurts people!
Thank you and God Bless.
Sincerely,
Jason P. Kress
- Monday, April 25, 2005 at 10:18 AM
- Posted by JKREW
- 1 Comments
OK, get this, you've addressed everything there yourself! First, you sell the old wheels, then you go to the Bloc Party show, get them to sponsor you, that'll be worth at least $500.00, so that puts you at $1800 in hand, then you steal the T–Rex head, mount it on your wall and sell pictures with an Honest–To–Gosh T–Rex nibbling on them for a reasonable $15.00 per picture and that would leave you no more than 47 pictures to take and BOOM! New wheels!
It's so easy, man, dunno why you didn't think of it yourself...